at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
