I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
