Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
