I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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