Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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