I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
