it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
