just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have fence marks all over my body
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
