know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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