I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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