Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
