I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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