So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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