I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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