yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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