I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
