Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
