I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
