Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
