I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
