1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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