does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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