The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
