I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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