Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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