probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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