false alarm. still invincible.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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