You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
