Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
