Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
