i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
