so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was like eating out sand paper
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's official drugs can't kill me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
