Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
