what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
