i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
