I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
