So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
