so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
