the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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