U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
