My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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