Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
