no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize