there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
