i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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