I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
