4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
