FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
