went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
