She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
