you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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