there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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