Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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