You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
