I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
