I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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