He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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