You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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