I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
