you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
