I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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