You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
one might say we're banned from that church
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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