Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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