he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
