That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
