Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
