FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
