Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
