Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
