i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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