I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
