My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
