that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
